Did you ever notice
It’s not loneliness
It’s not the yearning so much
For companionship
Or even intimacy
It’s the luxury of having someone
Help you make decisions?
A million decisions
Every day
To make in solitary
What to spend the next
Five minutes doing
What needs more time
Whether to meditate
Or go for a walk
Whether to tackle the bills,
The dishes, or the laundry
To binge-watch some Netflix
Or color my hair
Whether to work on the novel
Or this poem
To be honest
I’ve always had a problem
With intimacy
Nobody gets close
And if they do
I banish them all too soon
It must be a shock
It must hurt a lot
To be let in
And then shut out
I used to rationalize it
With an artistic need for solitude
That desire to create without audience
Without critic
Without collaborator
And then I learned to dance
To co-create with a partner
Now I miss that steady hand
At the small of my back
